who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
