You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
