i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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