Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
