pedialite and red bull = repair kit
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
