Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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