Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize