and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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