She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
