Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
