Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
