You really coming over, don't trick.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
