need another drink. this is the easiest way
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
