I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
is wine microwaveable?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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