And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
