I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
barbara walters just said penis...
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
