I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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