I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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