so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
