Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
