My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
