Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
