I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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