am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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