if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize