i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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