I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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