Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize