I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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