We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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