Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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