He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
