When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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