I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
