Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
