u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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