I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize