and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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