I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
