So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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