she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
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