she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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