This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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