I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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