It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
