I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
