Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
