Well apparently he's into motor boating.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
