i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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