My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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