If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize