hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
