My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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