i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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