Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The power of my boobs compel you
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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