the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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