I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
