I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
