I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The beer is more important than you right now.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
