It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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