4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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