And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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