just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
