how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
