A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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