I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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