What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
