We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
