A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
