Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize