What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
