to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
