I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
