I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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