Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
bring money and cleavage
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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