Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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