The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
